Now for a Semi Happy Story!

Well its seems my uncle has really kept his proise to me! I FINALLY GOT A FUCKING CAR! FUCK YES! Its a 1997 Ford Escort! I mean Fords arent that great really but I wont complain at least its something! Its great to have the feeling of one huge obstacle out of the way. Heres a pic!

I'm excited about it! But with it comes a few more obstacles I must overcome, and that's getting my license and getting a job so I am able to pay for car insurance. It wont be easy but this time I wont give up I will try my hardest so that I can achieve my dreams of happiness and freedom. I really need a job rite now, I wanna save up enough money so that me and Shaun can move out and live together, I really cant wait for that day. Well I hope to be getting a job soon, I wanna work at Kroger's I guess ill look into it when school starts :D

Things that have Bothered me Lately

Well it seems like its been awhile since I posted a blog but this time around this blog is gonna be alittle personal. Ive had some lingering thoughts, thoughts that really bother me when i think of them and sometimes make me cry. It mostly has to deal with my family. When I sit and think about it its strange I just now come to the realization on how things really are.

It makes me so sad to feel like my dad doesn't even know me, and to feel like I cant depend on him when I need him. Ive barely seen him this past 5-6 years and its makes me sad that now that i think so many bad things about him even tho most r true, and that I'm kinda cutting my bond with him. He tells me he loves me and what not but hes never there. Sure ive gotten used to him not being around much, but from time to time it still affects me. All this time it feels like he hasn't been a real father to me and has let me down alot. He promised me he wouldn't move to the country until i was 18 but he did it when i was 13. He was person who added to my depression back then the other was me and my mom fighting all the time. I will admit he always toke my side in our arguments. Me and her would always fight, cause back then she said I put my dad on a pedestal when hes done me so wrong, and i was naive enough back then to deny it. But i realize now that i really did, and in all honesty it was both parents trying to pid me against the other. I chose either side now, but it was only recently that i realize how little my dad does for me and how much my mom really does for me. Yea my mom is a bitch and comes by it honest but she pretty much does everything besides a few things that my dad doesn't, and its pretty sad.

And whats sadder to me is that I have someone who makes me happier than I've ever been, someone that i feel such a strong connection with, and wanna be with for the rest of my life and it feels like he doesn't care. I mean my mom's met him and she likes him but my dad doesn't show any interest. I mean Shaun's parents really like me and I want my parents to really like Shaun, I want them to be happy for me. And another thing is that i wish I could have Shaun come over to either one of my houses, its sucks i just want things to be normal. uknow? I know it probably makes him feel bad that he cant cause my mom doesn't let me have people over and my dad more like my step mom doesn't want him there cause she thinks we'll have sex (even tho we wouldn't right now, shes just jealous cause my dad wont fuck her fat ass) its like all i want is for them to get to know him more and like him like Shaun's parents do me.

Another thing is that I think about is my high school graduation, who's going to show up? is my dad gonna miss it cause of work like he did my middle school graduation. is my step mom gonna be there? i know my mom will and my grandparents will definitely. But will my dad really come? And another thing is if me and Shaun were to get married how much of my family would really attend? I know my friends would of course but it bothers me on how much my family really cares about their family its like they only come together for funerals.

I wonder how much my dad or anyone will miss me once i start my life? perhaps things will change then. I'm just glad I have Shaun, hes my light and always makes me smile, I'm lucky to have a guy like him. My one wish has came true. I know he'll always be there for me.

Sorry if this blog was a bit depressing, it was just some thoughts i needed off my chest and to write down, this makes me feel alot better. Theres probably more detail i coulda added to this but ill save that for another day. :D

Greed May not be Good but its not so Bad Either

Avarice or Greed the very word of something truly selfish, or this perhaps a mistake or a misunderstanding? While its true that Greed is in fact one of the 7 human desires that can be proven deadly to a person if taken to extremes, is it really so bad? Just one little quote about it the topic got into my head and got me thinking about it:

"Maybe you wanna bring back someone you lost, you might want money, maybe you want women or men, or you might want to protect the world. These are all common things that people want. Things that their hearts desire. Greed may not be good but its not so bad either. People think Greed is for money or power but in truth everyone wants something they don't have"

Perhaps that is just how we are wired to be, we will always want things whether it be love, material objects, status, glory, friends, dreams, sex, money, power, etc. I personally don't look at Greed as something that is bad, sure there are people who do get carried away by the little things in life such as money and whatnot, but their are people like me who are greedy in the sense that they want someone to always love them and be theirs and want friends they share bonds with. To me this kind of Greed doesnt sound bad at all. It just means they dont want to be alone. And somehow my thoughts for people who look to objects to satisfy their greedy needs are to me very lonely people who want people to share bonds with, but dont nessiarly know how to pursue that correctly. Basically I believe someone who is truely greedy needs someone friends or lover before their greed can be satisfied perhaps then someone like that could then see the error of their ways and work to change themself. Also someone needs to see them for the person they really are.

Sorry if this topic sounds a bit strange, I don't think I fully understand Greed yet but While thinking about it I sorta had one person in mind, whom is someone ive never met and probably still wont meet her sadly but from stories I hear of her she sounds like someone who is indeed a very greedy person. I can just hope that it doesnt go to her head although it probably has years ago, who knows.

Well i guess I still got alot to learn and think about when it comes to people and how and why they are the way they are, but its always so interesting haha. Im just glad thoughts like these and things like this I learn are helpful for whenever my friends or anybody really who comes to me for advice or help, they say once you can fully understand the 7 desires you can pretty much understand alot of different people haha, but anyayz I was also thinking that i've made some progress in what you would call my purpose or something I want to do, its like when I give advice or help my friends it feels like I really helped them and made a diffrence, also it really helps that I kinda have the ability to walk in their shoes and understand how they feel. I think perhaps one day I could maybe become like a therapst or something, although im not saying that something I wanna do quite yet, its still something I can think about later, besides im content with just helping my friends and lover, and anyone whos just asks :D

My Everything

Shaun Hasson is the love of my life, i can't see myself loving anyone other than him. He's the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. I mean hes always there for me, he always complements me, he makes sure I know I'm all he wants, hes loving, caring, kind, sweet, trustworthy, loyal, cute, funny, handsome, sexy etc etc! I consider myself to be the luckiest girl in the world to have someone as amazing as him. Hes all I need.

Its quite cute and funny how we met but it all started with comments on facebook status' sure we went to the same high school and were in the same grade but both of us were too shy to talk to each other since we both had a crush on each other but didn't know the other did haha. Anyways I first noticed this sexy man back in January or whenever i first started sitting at this lunch table next to his because my ex was always around my group of friends so i needed a new group to hang with at lunch. Shaun was sitting with one of my really good friends Alan and that's when i happened to notice him. My first impression was that he was pretty cute but he had a kind of mad expression on his face. One day he sat Right in front of me and our table but he didn't look up or say a word, i wanted to talk to him but just couldn't bring myself to, i was just too shy cause i liked him. Sooner or later he started to post on my some my  facebook status' that's when we started talking but it was just on facebook at the time. He would post Hi on my wall among other things and we commented back and forth and pretty much had close to 100 comments on each post.  Eventually he gave me his number and we started texting, i remember i didn't a girly squeal when I got it i was happy cause got the feelings that he liked me ^_^ we started texting like daily from the time we got up till he had to put his phone up at 9. Then one day I stayed the night at Megan's and we txted the whole time then we prank called him with Trixies Sex Convos lmao it was then that we both knew we liked each other.
I then called him again like 2 days later and explained to him my past and depression and how my ex used and treated me, i made sure that he knew that was something i didn't wanna go thru again, then he made it clear to me that he was not that kind of guy and i knew in  my heart i could trust him. He asked me out the next day after lunch it was sooo cute how shy he was even tho he knew id say YES! It was March 30th, 2011! <3 The next day we had our first kiss, its was so wonderful even tho we were both nervous as heck. And i'll never forget our first date at the movies, we saw  "Author" haha but we didn't watch the movie at all we made out the whole time. it was amazing! I love kissing him and might I add he's a really good kisser and does attack your face like a dog like my ex did lmao. We've been on other dates like to the park and another movie and the mall. He's the first guy that's ever taken me somewhere other than the movies.

Ring Dance is one of my favorite memories of us. He looked so handsome that day in his suit although he'll say otherwise that's what I thought at first glance "He looks so handsome" He was soo nervous cause he never really danced before but before he knew it he was dancing and having a great time. Me and him were in our own little world, we kissed alot, he got my stripper glitter all over him. I remember him whispering in my ear how he wants to be with me forever, and how beautiful he thought I was, and how he is the luckiest man in the world to have someone like me, etc him saying all these sweet things almost brought me to tears of joy. He makes me sooo happy.

He has brought the light back into my life, I love him with all my heart and I don't think that will ever change. Me and him r the kind of people that stay committed. We hardly ever fight either I mean he has his moments when he's grumpy but that's normal. He always admits when hes wrong and apologizes and I the same. We Have alot of understanding when its comes to the things in our past. And he is always there for me when I'm down. I truly believe he'd never betray me in any way and id never betray him. He is such an amazing person and I'm so very glad we have found each other. Oh and we can be our silly selves around each other, and we can talk about pretty much anything, and i mean ANYTHING. He farts around me and sometimes on me (lil turd! hah) but one day ill get him back! Me and him r like best friends who r also lovers and i think that's the best thing in the world. I could honestly see us always being together. I love when he calls me beautiful, babe, baby, sweet cheeks, etc I love his sometimes out of the blue phone calls. I love his beautiful green eyes! And I love his smile. There will never be a moment where ill want someone else other than him, hes soo perfect for me and by far the best and best of all he TREATS ME RIGHT. Could a girl ask for anything better than that? I think not! haha

Anywayz I love you Shaun Hasson and that will never change. I wanna be yours forever <3 Your my sexy Link and I your beautiful princess Zelda. haha I believe we were meant to be my love <3 :3

Is Revenge a Fools Game or is it Just?

I've pondered this topic alot lately. I heard alot of people talk about different people they think deserved to die because of what they have done. They think that their revenge was justice, but has anyone ever stopped to think that perhaps their revenge leads to a never ending cycle of revenge? Theres a saying that says "Bloodshed gives way to more bloodshed, hatred breeds more hatred until all of the violence soaks into the land craving rivers of blood, and no matter how many times it happens people never learn" In this fact history seems to always repeat itself with wars, race, bad leaders etc. I think people need to learn revenge is useless because u can lose yourself in it and its inevitable that more bad things will happen. Sometimes life isn't always fair thats just how it is.

I've been wronged many times in my life, by parents, friends, past boyfriends etc. I remember wanting to take revenge on them myself. I've realised how stupid it as to waste my time on it cause i knew nothing would change, i knew if i were to have my revenge id be empty nothing would change, they wouldn't change, life would go on and things and people would move on.

A show called "Hell Girl" had me thinking about this topic alot. Basically if u have any kind of grievance caused by someone u can call upon hell girl to enact the revenge u cannot achieve yourself. By doing so Hell Girl will take the person u wish revenge on and take them to hell, although by requesting this your soul must also belong to hell but after u die. Then u r given a doll with a scarlet tread tied around its neck. U have the choice to or not to pull it to enact your revenge. As silly as it sounds this had me thinking if someone did something so horrible to me would i seek out revenge like this if it existed? Would I risk my soul into total damnation and torment? Honestly I think thats too high a price to pay to get revenge on someone, and on a side note your both gonna be in hell for eternity how stupid is that? What would u do? Would u do this just for the sake of revenge?

I guess my point to all this is life is too short to worry bout getting back at people for things they've done. Life goes on, people grow. People should realise that no matter what revenge breeds more revenge which can turn into violence which can lead to bloodshed. If only the world as a whole could realise their mistakes and in turn work to change them, but that is a dream in which sounds unrealistic and unattainable.

btw sorry it took soo long for me to post anything lately, ill work harder to post blogs more often :D I  do believe the next blog will be all about my wonderful charming boyfriend Shaun <3 I love him so much ^__^